The Morning After

mourning-buntingI went to bed last night depressed. It was only 10:30pm and as I watched my state of Wisconsin go down like the Titanic I knew what the outcome of the presidential election was going to be. So I tossed and turned and once in a while my heart said, “maybe, you’re wrong.”  But my brain knew the absolute truth. The bigots, the racists, the misogynists, the haters, the fools, the naive, the idiots, had won the night.

So I woke up in a very sad mood. I checked my iPad quickly to see the result and it seemed worse than I imagined. As I made my way down to the breakfast table I decided I could not bear to watch acceptance speeches and endless analysis. I already was at my wit’s end after almost 2 years of political ads and primaries and anonymous phone calls and debates. So most of my morning was spent on a very low key. A cup of yogurt, a few pieces in the jigsaw puzzle. Once I took a shower and got dressed I did what I usually do when I am anxious or depressed, I clean. I tidy up. Kitchen floor, check! Bathroom, check. Vacuuming, check!

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“Buck up, kiddo, tomorrow’s going to be another day.” – a little known Master Yoda quote

As I worked my mood started to change to fear. Fear of those who think this victory will give them freedom to bully, discriminate, assault and abuse anyone they don’t agree with or don’t like the color of. Because that was what some of this election was about. It wasn’t only those who were getting a raw deal on their health care or haven’t had a decent job in years who voted. I can accept those complaints. But those who think hate is now the acceptable status quo are the ones I fear. That voting for The Donald now gives them that right. However, the wise Jedi Master Yoda once said, “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” No, I didn’t want to go there. That just makes me like them.

I am sure my social conscience will rise up again and I will get involved in some way. But I am weary. I became an Independent Deputy in January and have been registering people to vote at libraries, high schools and local colleges in my area. I have been answering questions about voting, I have been encouraging people to vote, I’ve been putting signs in my yard….I am tired of it all. So, for now I am going underground, to decompress. I need to read and knit and work on my art. I need to concentrate on my physical therapy and get this new knee running like …a knee. It is going to take a bit to shake off the yuk that I feel from this election and Donald Trump. I also plan on avoiding as much of the inaugural hoopla as possible. Watching him and his family party just seems wrong. Getting away would be nice and Canada always seemed a possibility but I think it is closed right now. So I will be staying put, and damn! after four years of this new administration I’ll have the cleanest house around.

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8 thoughts on “The Morning After

  1. Yesterday was too dark for me to do anything but recoil from a decision that makes me feel like a stranger in my own country. I was not fit company for anyone. I went outside and raked mountains of leaves, then raked some more. Made soup. I grieve for those who are mocked, for those who are hated for being different or not beautiful, and especially for the immigrants who so desperately want a legal path to citizenship. I will try to “learn something’ from this moment, but not yet.

  2. I feel the same, except the house cleaning. Black shirt for morning. don’t want to watch tv, read newspaper, or listen to the radio. My daughter reminded me, though, that we are still the favored people in our society. We must really look out for minorities, for they feel like sitting targets.

  3. I sure hope that civility is not dead. I never slept last night fearing the dread of morning and the unwelcome news that we have been “trumped”. I will also boycott all inaugural activities. I don’t know what to say to my three young granddaughters. How can I possibly explain that a well qualified, high intelligent woman has lost the presidency to a bigot, a bully, a racist, an egotist and to one who has encouraged foreign intervention in our election process. I try to pacify myself that I went through this before with the Bush/Gore fiasco but then we all know how that turned out with our country on its knees and a deep seated recession. I am angry but tried to find peace today through yoga and an extended walk. When I’m upset I walk faster and farther to help dispel the cobwebs in my mind so my walk was long and quick. I’m still trying to figure out if the walk and yoga helped. I’m not so angry anymore but I feel a sense of dread. (won’t make book group tomorrow as I have a LLI class on the Civil War) Irony?

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