Commercials have Fried my Brain

This morning I got out of the shower, dried off, started spraying on that new Vaseline Spray and Go lotion and in my brain I started singing, Vaseline Petroleum Jelly, Your first aid kit in a jar.” Yikes! Where did that come from? The winter has been too long and too cold and my brain is regressing to my formative years -the 50’s,the 60’s- where those commercial jingles and phrases were burned into my fragile cortex. It happened just last week too. We were driving with a friend and one of us (only God knows why) mentioned the old Ipana toothpaste commercial, “Brusha,Brusha, Brusha, with the new Ipana…” and our friend countered with “You’ll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.” Her brain had been infected as well. Ah, the lovely toothpaste melodies of the past.

So it got me thinking about the recent Superbowl commercials and all the vitriol that was spewed on Twitter over the Coke commercial where Americans from various backgrounds sing America the Beautiful in different languages. I started wondering about what those same idiots would be saying on twitter if it existed in the 50’s and 60’s?

In 1967 there was that politically incorrect Frito Bandito with the droopy mustache, unshaven face, sombrero and in broken English, singing, “Ai, Yi,Yi, Yi. I am the Frito Bandito.” and telling us to “Munch, munch. Munch a bunch of Fritos, Corn Chips.”

Frito Bandito: Frito Lay 1967

Frito Bandito: Frito Lay 1967

I imagine the tweets started out like this and just got worse.

Send that Mexican jumping bean home #weHateeveryone
I ain’t buying anything from an illegal immigrant #Ihateyou

Back then the National Mexican-American Anti-defamation Committee went after Frito-Lay and the bandit lost his stubble and gold tooth but he wasn’t officially retired till 1971. I don’t think he would have lasted a week today. Now I’m not defending the bandito, I’m just saying things moved a lot slower and advertisers got away with a lot of crap for a lot longer. He was replaced by the Muncha Buncha, a less controversial band of cowboys.

I’m a bit surprised Mr. Clean ( “gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute…”) made it to the present day. Back in 1958 an earring and no socks was pretty suspect. And would it have been okay to have a sailor come to clean your house because that’s who Mr. Clean was based on, a real sailor from Florida. I’ve read that most people thought he was a genie because he appeared magically to get rid of that dirt. But then shouldn’t he be wearing harem pants?

Mr. Clean: Procter & Gamble

Mr. Clean: Procter & Gamble

Is that an earring? #Mr.Cleanisafag
He doesn’t look like an American to me #weHAteeveryonetoo
Hey, where are your harem pants? #andyourturban

And then there was the violence. “How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?” says the little guy in the Hawaiian shirt and straw hat.  “Sure”, says the other little guy before he gets socked in the face. Okay, it’s a play on words but huh???

Punchy: artist Martin Mandelblatt

Punchy: artist Martin Mandelblatt

Where is Hawaii? #arrestthatlittlefreak
What the f**k? #HawaiiansAreViolent

Please don’t be offended by my make believe tweets. If I tried to write like the ones I read online for the Coke commercial you would report me to the WordPress police. Now of course there was no twitter back then, the really sad thing is no one noticed the political incorrectness or the violence or the stereotyping that was regularly portrayed.

Ah well that’s my little trip down memory lane or a little trip into my warped mind. Who knows what my brain will be singing the next time I get out of the shower. All I want is for the winter to end so I can go out and “See the USA in my Chevrolet” because right now, I can only dream about Spring in my Maidenform Bra.

Maidenform circa 1955

Back off, you’ll put somebody’s eye out. #PutaShirtOn

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4 thoughts on “Commercials have Fried my Brain

  1. It’s an interesting concept to ponder; can you imagine if the Second World War had unfolded during the age of social media?
    The Holocaust would never nave happened. It’s crazy to imagine, but the logic is irrefutable.

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